LIVEWIRE

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire speakin’ to ya. We got a real crisis here. Our gas prices are way too high. They’re about to go up 24 cents a gallon. I’m not talking about targeting one person. But these fuel companies… What are we going to do? They are going to have to lower these to our standards. Four dollars a gallon. We’ve got military over in foreign countries where we’re spendin’ billions of dollars on, which I think is great for the economy. However, there are 13 known gangs just in Clayton County. Do you think they stay in Clayton County? No. Why don’t we enlist the National Guard and spend billions over here to fight the terrorists called gangs to save our people. People are shot every single day on the news. This is Livewire. Thanks for listening.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. Got some logical information for ya. Thinkin’ ‘bout all these foreclosures going on around Georgia and other states around the nation, have the gas prices got that high that we can’t afford to go to work? Please give me some feedback. Later.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire talking to you. When is these network executives gonna understand that if they start running commercials at one time, we’re gonna change the channels so we don’t have to watch the commercials? And when that channel starts running commercials, we’re gonna change it back to the channel we was on. Somebody give me some feedback. Here’s Livewire.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. Guys, we got something going on right here with cable systems. Whether you be on cable, satellite or on whatever you got. How come at four o’clock in the morning every little channel are paid programming? All right, if there’s paid programming, why do we have to pay for it? Give me a shout out. This is Livewire.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire talking at ya. I just want to know how people are affording to go to work. It’s obvious that the real estate market’s gone down. Gas prices are too high. And the employer is not paying enough money for us to be able to drive. I’m disabled. I only get seven hundred seventy-nine dollars a month. When I was working for 16 years as an electrician I was making twenty dollars an hour. So tell me: how can you afford to go to work at these gas prices?”

“Hello, Butts County. I’d like to give a shout-out: Hey, this is Livewire. Anybody who knows me, which not too many people do, but I would like to say to all the girls I have ever dated before that I am glad that we broke up or they turned me away because I have the most beautiful wife that you would ever imagine. You couldn’t go to Heaven and find a better angel than my wife, Mary. Keep that in mind, Butts County.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. I was wonderin’ if y’all read my article ‘cause I might repeat myself. Ah, uh... You know these people out here that own our houses what they do when they foreclose on us? They lose money. Now there’s nobody in there to collect any money from. It’s like these cars that are repossessed. Some of ‘em are turned into police vehicles. They never get paid for. I just thought of somethin’. Do you remember the tax embargo? You don’t? But do you remember when the truckers went on strike back in the early ‘80s? Ah, maybe you do? Maybe you don’t. Let’s take this scenario: you ain’t got no fuel comin’ in to be taxed. And you ain’t got no trucks movin’. Crude oil: bring it on over here to America. Stop it. Right now. I wanna know what’s goin’ on with the Alaska pipeline? What’s goin’ on, Butts County. Please, give Livewire a shout-out. Thank you very much.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. Hey, welcome to my world. Or would it be better to say, thank you for bein’ in your world? I just found out that I come down with a deadly disease and it’s called, ahm uhm, ahm meningitis. OK? Y’all with me here? It’s no longer called meningitis. It’s now called men-shut-up-before-suicide. So, holler back at me. This is Livewire. See ya.”

“Hey guys, this is Livewire. I admit I got a little crazy last week. But I got a real serious question for ya now: We’re over there fightin’ a war on terrorism. Who’s doing anything about the terrorism in our back pocket? Nobody. It’s $4 a gallon for gas. Hey, that’s terrorism. This is Livewire.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire speaking at you. We got us an election coming up like, I don’t know, in November or something. We have to elect a new president. I really don’t see where George W. Bush has done so much bad. I don’t think he’s done enough. Shock ‘n’ awe worked. Keep doing it. Shock ‘n’ awe, shock ‘n’ awe, shock ‘n’ awe. OK, in November primary, vote for Livewire because I’m neither Democrat nor Republican. I don’t care either way. Just blow a whole in the ground, and let’s stop all this violence and terrorism and raping of our back pockets on these gasoline prices.”

“Hey guys. This is Livewire. I just want to know what’s going on. I ain’t gonna mention any names but gas is going for $4.05, $4.09 a gallon here but you can go to Covington and Conyers and get it for $3.92 a gallon. Why can’t we have it here, too? I need feedback. This is Livewire.”

“Hey y’all, this is Livewire. OK, we tried this back a couple a times before, some of us, where we wouldn’t drive on certain days. But let’s just say that we go to this one station and we put $5 worth of gas in our car, which is enough to get us to the next gas station. When we get to the next gas station we fill up because they’re running at $4.05 or $4.04, you know, somewhere in that price range. And instead of paying $4.10 at the other gas station, just put a gallon of gas in your car and drive to the next one. If y’all think this is a good idea, please respond. This is Livewire.”

“Hello, Butts County, This is Livewire. What I’d really like to ask is this: is it possible for us to go to a gas war like we did back in 1970 where there were lines and lines of people waiting to get gas? And when the pump ran dry, they had to go somewhere else. So do we need to go into a gas war?”

“Hey guys, this is Livewire. I’ve called in several times to the Butts County Police Department and reporting drugs that were coming up and down my street. But yet, here I am – I got free sod and they come up to my house and ask me how I got it. Well, the drugs ain’t at my house. They’re down in the streets on Tussahaw Point Drive.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. A friend of mine recently got robbed of $96 worth of diesel fuel as she was working at a gas station on Highway 36. We’re asking for donations because she’s got kids that are fixin’ to go back to school. She didn’t need to lose that money. Please. Pour out your heart. Give her the money to buy clothes and school supplies. She needs it. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.”

“Hello, Butts County. This is Livewire. Um, we got a serious problem going on in the State of Georgia. If you seen the news on fire station number seven in East Point: they pay county, city, state, federal property taxes. Just like we do. Where’s the tax money going to that those people are spending? Are they going to them flashing blue and yellow lights that all the police cars have gone to? Give me some feedback, please. This is Livewire.”

“Hello Butts County, this is Livewire. Do y’all know the difference between a class clown and a class comedian? The lead gang member is the class comedian; he’s the one who conjures up all these crazy ideas and talks the class clown into doing them. The class clown is the one that gets in trouble for it. Not the class comedian. Think about that.”